Vacation and Menstruation

So I discovered the worst possible combination for someone who wants to ditch sugar cravings....vacation and menstruation.  The already difficult 5-7 days that come once a month where I have thus far been pretty successful at convincing myself that I don't need sugar to make it through the day or night, came just as I was headed out of town to celebrate the beautiful Independence Day weekend.  I must have left my will power behind when I walked out with my suitcase and floaties in one arm, the other arm filled with essentials everyone else forgot (like toothbrushes, snacks, and anything else to survive a roadtrip). 

By day 3 I had run out of apples, oranges, strawberries, and 100% Fruit Roll-ups (suprisingly delicious by the way).  If that wasn't enough, my body unleashed some kind of monster craving attack that was a silent killer for any serotonin roaming around in my brain. We all have our bad days but this felt downright tazmanian. It seemed that in a matter of days I was slowly losing my "control" and ready to skinny dip in a pool of refined sugar. Fortunately I knew giving in would only make it worse.  So I put my boxing gloves on and started punching.  Unfortunately I was the only one in the ring as my family quickly put on their padded sparring gear and ran the opposite direction.  

Being out of my element was definately a contributor, but I felt sufficiently prepared in that regard.  I obviously wasn't prepared for the combination of free time, restaurant hopping, and mensing all at once. I was really hoping my family would start remembering all those sunday school lessons on forgiveness and patience!

Interestingly enough Dr. Daniel Amen, an amazing psychiatrist who has performed over 50,000 brain scans has discovered that for many women the blood flow throughout the brain can alter a bit during menstruation (and even recede in certain areas of the brain).  This isn't the case for all women, but for some it can make the difference in irritability, frustration, cravings, and many different symptoms during their cycle (because low blood flow, low activity).  Not only that but he has also found that taking fish oil, making sure you have plenty of Vitamin D, and eating small meals throughout the day starting with breakfast make a huge difference in your ability to keep blood sugar levels balanced, the key to a healthy brain!  As a yogi I was also surprised to hear him say that meditation is a great tool for brain balance.  Check out his video on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ER8pi21hw9Y

So next time I head out the door for vacation with menstruation on the calendar, I will definately have my fish oil, multivitamin, protein snacks, and Om ready to attack the monster cravings!  I'll tell my family to leave their sparring gear at home (at least most of it).  Happy travels to all!

Sugar Love

There are few physical comforts that I enjoy more than a clean face towel. Folded in half, rolled in a tube, flung in a pile on the countertop, I don't mind the form, it's just the pleasure of having what you love at your fingertips.  All the better for body and mind if that comfort happens to be healthy for you.  Sometimes it takes a bit of reconditioning to change what we see as "comfort".  My sugar love somehow died when I realized that the comfort factor was gone.  I would eat a little and just want more, the cravings would replace the comfort. 

When I was a child I used to wish I had one of those ice cream machines in my house, the kind that twirl around and around so the customers can see the ice cream thickness and hear that audible churn of the machine daring them to try and walk away.  Then, if you were lucky you would get a seasoned worker who knew how to make those swirls just perfect, wide and even enough to hold steady but thick enough to avoid the hollow center.  Two flavor swirl was even mesmerizing.  Chocolate and vanilla swirl for me please.
The absence of refined sugar seems to help me notice the simple pleasures in life so much more readily, and to have steady energy to create more of them. Instead of craving sugar after dinner to celebrate finishing a meal, having sugar for an afternoon snack just because I have been awake for 6 hours, or seeking out the nearest ice cream cone destination with my children regardless of how quickly their relatively calm temperaments will change to hyperactivity, I seem to have convinced my body that I am serious about not consuming the foods that once provided the endorphins rapidly released with sugar consumption.  I think this "cold turkey" thing may be working.  (By the way have you ever heard of anyone craving turkey that is cold?  I think I may know why they call it that.)

The problem with my old habit of sugar love is that I was defeating my body's main purpose, to maintain homeostasis. Instead I was working against it by creating a "high" with dopamine and serotonin stimulated with sugar consumption, and as we all know what goes up must come down.  You see, our body is at its peak when we choose foods that maintain balance, provinding constant nourishment instead of quick jolts. Refined sugar makes that balance very difficult.  Who would have know that a clean face towel could be just as satisfying to an adult as a twist cone could be to a young girl. 

Great article for reference:
http://www.disabled-world.com/artman/publish/sugar-cravings.shtml

Gumball Solace

      I love truth, you know that concept that has been replaced with Wikipedia, the modern day Nicene Creed version of everyone collectively decides what is acceptable or "true" and then go with it.  But I love the real stuff, those truths or laws that exist whether we believe them or not.  Take gravity for instance, we can profess, reason, and argue intelligently about specifics, but once we step off the platform.... we will fall.  Unfortunately truth is not as clearly defined in society as is the law of gravity. 

      I can remember the first time I fell in love with gumballs.  The multi-colored, hollow center, "can't have just one" kind.  We were at the checkout stand at the local grocery store.  I was ahead of my mom as she wrote the check when I saw them, the two kids at the gumball machine.  As I recall one of them had a tube sock filled with pennies and the other held that classic tin Band-Aid box.  The boy would put the penny in, turn the knob, and out came a colorful gumball.  The girl would open the little silver door and let the gumball roll into her hand and then carefully transfer it to the tin box.  Before long I could see that it was almost full.  It was easy to tell they were determined to fill it to the top.  Their efficiency improved with each penny that was slotted in the turn dial, so did their excitement.

      It was almost contagious, just watching them, I could feel my own excitement growing.  I kept my eyes on them as my mom and I walked out of the store.  Funny that I should remember something so seemingly insignificant, but it mattered to me.  Watching them rejoice in their gumball heaven was mesmerizing because it was so opposite of what I was experiencing at the time.  My dad had recently died, my mom left with 7 children to care for, and as the youngest, there wasn't a lot I could do to change that.  At that age you just watch, listen, and do whatever a 4-year-old does in emotionally confusing times, like seek for solace. 

I didn't realize it then, but sugar became a crutch in times of emotional distress.  Now this may not be "true".  It may not be true that sugar offers comfort in times of distress, it merely offers a mini vacation for taste buds and a moment to forget, but no healing for the heart.  So is it "true" that sugar offers solace?  I guess it depends on your goals.  Is the mini vacation enough? It was then. But not any more.  I have finally realized that I want the steady calm that comes from balancing my blood sugar along with everything else in life.  I want more than a vacation for my taste buds.  I want balance, soul-satisfying, solace-inviting, heart-healing balance.  Truth is, I just want more. 

Obituary for the -ose

I have been conducting funeral services for the last few weeks, donning the black robes and all. More anger and physical frustration than tears I must admit. I didn't invite anyone, it was just me and my sugar. The problem was it kept offering to revive or resurect itself if only I would change my mind and give in. It was like our family's one-day turtle we named Scooter. You put him in the sandbox and think he will stay there, but he found his way out ever so slowly after I was certain he would stay put. My internal scrapbook of memories that I have carefully crafted kept opening to pictures of me making brownies with my mom, or those after-school chocolate chip cookie soirees I loved as a youth. How could I deprive my children of similar memories? But as often happens with memories there is more to the story than the one captured frame. As I allowed those memories to lengthen out I remembered the tummy aches and lethargy that replaced my youthful energy and before long I was camped out on the family couch or window seat out for the count while my body tried to recover from the sugar overdose. Memories are powerful. So now every time I pass my favorite chocolate in the grocery store (I know I shouldn't go down the middle aisle anyway) or smell those cinnamon rolls baking in IKEA I force myself back in the black robes and will myself back to the funeral. Then I remember that funerals are supposed to be short, for good reason, they are miserable and painful and heart breaking. I don't have to pay my respect to sugar. Let's make this short and sweet and get on with life. But wait there's a problem, or should I say a whole gang of problems.

Sugar is a bit like the mafia, it has lots of friends in many places hidden between safe ingredients like added vitamins and minerals or whole wheat flour. Do you just sever the relationship with the most lethal members, or avoid them all? I'll let you in on some of my mental chatter: "Table sugar and High Fructose Corn Syrup are the most obvious culprits, maybe I could just mourn for them..... but what about cane juice, evaporated cane sugar, succanat, agave nectar, maple syrup, brown sugar, molasses, stevia, and then all those sugar alcohols......on and on and on". How can I possibly create a life for myself and family without these ingredients that have offered supposed comfort for so long? Don't you need some form of sugar for balance in life? Again, balance in life? That's the goal....

Alright, I am still in mourning, still sitting at the funeral but I may have company.

to be continued

I missed Easter

I love Easter, I really do. As a Christian and a Mormon, this is one my favorite holidays, so you can understand why I was so frustrated that I missed it. I personally and spiritually missed it. Now I don't mean that I wasn't here, that I didn't make the Saturday night shopping trip with my husband to fill the baskets of our children with adorable pastel colored treats. In fact, I spent at least 20 minutes just looking for the "right" candy, meaning the candy that I would most love, and I was sure they would love it too! I really felt like a diligent parent when the candy-coated cadbury chocolate eggs could not be found on the candy aisle so I found someone to help me solve the problem. My husband wasn't even surprised, annoyed yes, but not shocked that I would go to such lengths to find my favorite Easter candy. Finaly after at least 10 minutes, the person stocking the shelf, pulled a box from behind and I was sure I heard choirs of angels sing. I felt so proud to know that the other people on the candy aisle, two to be exact, also seemed to be happy that we had found the holy grail. We finished our shopping by picking up some Twix minis, Starburst Jelly Beans, and Sour Skittles (my husbands pick). We came home and filled the Easter baskets, made a Jelly Bean trail with four Easter scriptures to read to stop them in their tracks before reaching their beloved baskets, and then we finally climbed in bed at 1 a.m. After a few Easter Egg Hunts and a load of treats, and one very late night, I was exhausted. I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a Wal-mart truck driven by a scary Easter Bunny, filled with Easter candy. The day was ruined before it even started. I wish I had stopped there, but Easter dinner was still to come. As my sweet Grandma-in-law shared stories and games, my little 2 year old girl in my lap, all I could think about was the vase of chocolate candy towering on the coffee table, just waiting for me to raid it. It felt horrible to be so consumed with cravings when I was totally missing the moment. When I should have been relishing the facial expressions and movements of my little girl as she experienced the day, I was mentally detained by the wrestling match between impulse and control going on in my head. I missed it. I have come to the realization that I cannot find that balance. I have tried the one day a week model, just on birthdays and special holidays model, only when I can enjoy it with my kids model, a little bit every day model, all have failed miserably. I have been in counseling for too long with Sugar as the therapist and Me as the patient, but instead of leaving with new solutions and a fresh perspective, I only feel self-loathing and regret. So I am done. Sugar and I are getting a divorce (Definition: To dissolve a bond between). I will never miss Easter again. Stay tuned as I develop coping strategies!

Misery loves company

So someone else named their blog "365 days without sugar". Because I haven't written in so long that I had to google my blog name just to remember how to find it, I was ecstatic to see that I was not the only to have miserably failed, or should I say set expectations a bit out of reach. I did last a few days longer, and had two more posts, not that it matters! I was reaching for the stars when the leaves on a local oak tree might have been a bit more attainable. So I have readjusted my expectations and learned a few things in the process. Don't get me wrong, I am still reaching for the stars, but focusing more on being happy with my speed and re-routing my direction. 1. Perhaps most important is that I cannot nor wish to live without the infamous Cacao bean. Seriously one of the greatest creations mother earth produces!!! Not to forget all the amazing fruits and vegetables, but chocolate, wow! 2. The more sugar I eat, the more I want (particularly the processed kind which is scientifically tagged addictive). So as I am reapproaching this journey to the perfect balance in life between optimum health and delectable indulgence...... I try to keep that in mind. 3. Triggers: Yep. That's a fantastic word. The image of a loaded gun comes to mind. Example: I eat red onions, I crave cookies, cakes and anything else to balance out the taste. Hmmm, another one? I overeat or wait to long to eat, I crave sugar. I am learning to watch for the things that trigger my sugar gun and create a bag of tricks that replace bullets with blanks. Go ahead, pull the trigger...... nothing comes! An ounce of preparation is a pound of cure.... Was is Billy the Kid who said that? Enough numbers, last thought for tonight.... the cutest lady sat by me this evening as I watched an African dance performed by two international students. When they asked us to get up and join in the "napkin dance", we looked at each other and laughed. After taking our seats this cute woman says to me "that was fun. I thought my get up and go had got up and gone". It reminded me that whether you are 30 or 80, you are never too old or young to defy expectations, challenge the norm, and do something unexpected. I came home, ate a FEW chocolates, and hugged my kids a little tighter. It must have been the serotonin boost from the chocolates! Balance, that's my new secret. Stay tuned to see how that adventure goes.

Processed Sugar can cause Addiction and Depression?

Yep! That's the title of the most recent acticle I have been reading. It was the first link for the search "depression and sugar" on google and was directed perfectly to the question that has been on my mind for the past few weeks and even months. Shortly after beginning this journey I noticed myself having a more difficult time staying mentally positive and physically energized. Even my husband mentioned that I just didn't seem myself. I felt disinterested in things that normally captivated me. I wanted to sleep more and converse less. I thought it was just the life changes we have experienced recently; changing things up takes time to adjust? That theory can only last for so long. When things didn't get better I started to wonder if perhaps it had something to do with the drastic change of sugar consumption I had made. But shouldn't that make me feel better? Shouldn't being one of the few americans who won't consume the traditional 100 pounds of sugar a year per person make my brain and body and spirit soar? What's the problem? All this effort and I feel worse? I knew I had to be missing something. Let me remind you here that all my life up to this point I have been well above average in the sugar-consumption parade. In fact, I may have been leading it - not so much the amount I consumed but simply the frequency with which I wanted or thought about it.
Well this article helped me put a few things into perspective..... So just for review:
1. Processed (prepared or modified) sugar is quickly absorbed directly into the blood stream and has no nutritional value.
2. Once in the blood stream, this sugar cause rise in insulin levels.
3. THIS ALSO RAISES THE ENDORPHIN LEVELS, a natural mood upper in the brain!
Did you hear that, no you didn't, but did you read that....... yet another source that states sugar is a drug, a chemical that affects the brain and can cause a "high" mentally, which results in a mood lift.

So let's be sure we understand what an endorphin is: "any group of peptide hormones that bind to opiate receptors and are found mainly in the brain. Endorphins reduce the sensation of pain and effect emotions."

There you have it. Sugar can reduce the sensation or perception of pain and, at least momentarily, effect our emotions. But let's remember here the law of gravity.... what goes up must come down. So if our moods are chemically altered by a sugar high, it naturally leads to a bit of a nose-dive clean up job that our body has to do to return to homeostasis or in this case, a stabilized blood sugar level. Why is this important? What does this yo-yo effect do to our body? Stay tuned for more in the next blog post of SUGAR - friend or foe!